The Mental Redecoration Project
I always sit on my bed, when I get home from work and I look around and take my whole bedroom in. I remember weird little facts about my furniture, like my mirrored wardrobe that my Dad bought me for my 21st Birthday - the very wardrobe that made me beam with happiness because my Dad knew how long I’d been wanting one, and my bed frame, which I made in an evening by myself (pretty poorly) from a flat pack (and rewarded myself with a chicken burger afterwards) and how it’s SO rocky now that it sounds like it’ll break if I even touch it. Oops.
It would be such a crazy thing if walls could talk. My bedroom walls have definitely seen me at my worst, when I’ve begged God to give me strength (I’m not even religious, but that’s the only place I felt I could turn) and my best when I’m getting ready for a night on the town, putting my best outfit on, doing my hair and make up and finally looking at myself in the mirror and thinking “I don’t look half bad”.
Maybe it wouldn’t be such a great thing if walls could talk though. If walls could talk, maybe they’d tell me how ridiculous I looked, or how much I was overreacting. Maybe they’d tell me every morning when I woke up, in a foul mood because of something that happened the night before, that everything was going to be okay.
I think about all the people that have seen these 4 walls. My Mum when she came to help me sleep when I wasn’t myself.
My Dad when he’d sit on the side of my bed, cradle my head in his arms and tell me how proud he was of me, or to kiss me goodnight. Or after a break up he’d sing independent women to me (no lie).
My little brother when he’d been so upset about something, he’d bury his head sobbing into my neck and I felt my entire heart break.
My best friends getting ready for nights out with music blasting, us playing drinking games, and laughing.
My little dog Milo, snuggling up to me after a long walk.
Old and new flames came and went.
I know that life is ever changing and that reflection proves that.
I know that when I come home after a hard day of dealing with the general public, that my home is my safe haven.
It’s where everything is the same and doesn’t change.
It‘s where the people I love the most live.
The people who never judge me live and never ask why I’m not feeling like talking today, they just let me be me.
Which explains why I love spending so much time at home, as it soothes my anxieties about life and the future.
We all have that little voice inside our heads. Telling us right from wrong, making us decide between our heads and hearts. If our heads were square, we’d have four walls too. (I hate my thoughts sometimes, so random).
Maybe that’s just what home is, in our minds. And maybe it’s about time we all made our minds better places to live in.
MAYBE we should start listening to our heads more than our hearts.
If you feel more safe at home in your bedroom, than you do inside your own head, then it’s definitely a call for ”mental redecorating”.
Now recently, I have not been in touch with myself enough, to write a blog like this. If I started to write about a subject like mental redecorating, it wouldn’t feel organic or real and I’m not a person that can fake emotion, I do everything with my whole heart and blogging is just another one of those things.
So, what is mental redecorating?
Mental redecorating is like painting your kitchen.
You absolutely hate the colour magnolia, so why would you keep it in your kitchen?
You’d go out and buy a new tin of paint, wouldn’t you?
Let’s associate the colour Magnolia - with a negative thought - such as “Everyone will think I look like shit today”.
If you don’t like the colour magnolia, if you don’t get anything out of that thought, banish it and swap it for something better.
Instead of saying “Everyone will think I look like shit today” say: “I’ve made a real effort with myself today, I’m proud of myself for doing this”.
Bye, magnolia. It’s time for bubblegum pink, and that’s the colour we’re having in our kitchen now. Okay?
Mental redecorating has its own little umbrellas which include making a conscious decision to just be happy, waking up in the morning and deciding what day you will have, not letting life decide who or what you will become and most importantly, not letting negative comments bring you down.
There are so many things that can be classed as “mental redecorating“ and every time you make a change to your four walls, be proud and reward yourself. Every time you stand up for yourself, every time you say something with your entire chest, every time you don’t let someone treat you like you’re average, be proud and understand the level of GUTS it takes to do these things. You’re amazing!
Every time you close a chapter in life and put that book up on the shelf in your mental redecoration project, shout about it.
This took a lot for you to change, so celebrate that change.
Even if it means just going down to Maccie’s for a strawberry thick shake.
A big thing for me recently was becoming consciously aware of the things my mind was thinking. Every time I have a negative thought, I make it a challenge to turn it into something positive. For an example, I started thinking that nobody would ever want me, but instead I said it’s okay if that is the way my life is planned to go, because I will be fine on my own and I’m happy being on my own.
But in all seriousness, it is really hard to be so aware of your thoughts so that you can swap them for something better. So I’ve decided to turn this blog into something a little bit different than things I’ve written before, and so, I will be keeping a diary of my mental decorating project and blogging about my experiences, in the hope that maybe some of my readers can understand the things they’re feeling, loads of other people feel too, including myself and therefore we can all clump together in a seemingly self care like orgy (weird) and build each other up and hold each other at the top.
Fingers crossed this goes well and my mind becomes a beautiful pink bedroom with fluffy pillows and lots of snacks under my bed. (almost like a childhood dream).