• Jodie May Williams

The Art of Loving Yourself

I promised I would make this post, because there really is a lot of negative vibes about at the moment, and all I can honestly say, that for a person to be nasty, to bully or to display any kind of negativity towards another human being without reason (or sometimes even within reason) - is due to low self esteem.

If you read my blogs regularly, you know that I don't sugarcoat shit.

So if you came here for a pep talk, you'll get half of that and half of some dreaded truths.

I just want to add also that loving yourself should only involve you. If any other factors have to come into the equation, i.e. seeking validation from others, defining your self worth solely upon opinions and compliments from others, then it is not self love.

In mathematical terms, opinions + compliments + low self esteem (does not) = Self love.

And if you do thrive off compliments from others, "likes", followers on social media, then we've got a bit of a problem here. 

If you are going to continue to read, I want you to ask yourself: 

"Do I make others feel crappy because I'm not happy with myself?"

If the answer is yes, then you need this post more than anybody else, because you kinds of people are the ones who need this most. Somebody has to break the circle.

If the answer is no, then I want to make you realise what a f***ing amazing human being you are and just why you should start to love yourself (or just love yourself even more).

What IS self love? I hear you ask. And WHERE do I start?

Self love is loving you for you, looking in the mirror and being happy and proud of the person you see staring back at you. It is nourishing your body and taking care of it should be your absolute number one priority. 

You can start at any point in life. I've known fully grown adults who have been truly horrible to others simply because they are not happy with themselves and have clearly never practised self love or self care.

And no, they don't have to openly admit it, because it is written all over their body language, the way they speak about others and themselves, and in the way that they treat others. 

For example, I knew one lady and she was always so (irritatingly) interested and involved in everyone else's lives. She had young adult children, and she would act like them. But when I say she was interested in everyone else's lives, she would bitch about people like she was a teenager in school and it was very uncomfortable to witness. 

Now, I'm no psychologist (I did study it for a couple of months, but still no biggie) but to me, that seems like an insecurity, it seems like she's chasing after a lost youth.

I wouldn't unnecessarily call people out on their shit, but when it's something like this and they are hurting other people, that's when it starts to annoy me.

So yes, you can start self-loving at any age - because there will always come a point in your life where you realise, "actually, I do need to get my shit together and change", and you can do that for any reason - be it to be a better role model for your children / future children, or to make the world a nicer place to live in, after all...we've all got to live on this one planet.

So, what are the benefits of loving yourself and practising self care?

Well... you will start to feel validated. You will feel like a purposeful human being. And when you feel like that... that's when the world becomes a little bit of a better place because you are injecting optimism, positivity and happiness into it. That can all begin with you learning to love yourself, how amazing is that?

Another benefit is that you will practically become emotionally invincible, (not to be confused with "emotionally unavailable").

What I mean by that is, for an example - I used to depend my self worth on the opinions of others but when I became aware of my own self worth, when I truly took the time to get to know myself and love myself for it, that's when I stopped giving a fuck what people thought of me. If someone said I was a bitch, then I just thought, well I know that I am probably the most caring person I know, but I only release that side of my nature to those deserving of it and this is why this person thinks I'm a bitch, simply because they are not a valid person in my life

And that's how you turn the negative into the positive and learn to crack on with your life.

So let's start there for today, with blog number one of the art of loving yourself.

1. Batteries NOT included: Turning a negative into a positive  

Let's pretend you are battery operated. You have one battery that powers you. It has a positive side, and a negative side. (Juuust in case you've never seen a battery before).

So, lets say a friend or a significant other has said something about you personally, and it's got to you.

So, you get negative surge, and that powers you. It makes you angry and frustrated and confused. You spend some time generating this negative energy and for a while it dictates the energy you're making and giving off this energy to power yourself and to others around you. 

Switch off.

By generating negative energy from something that has been purposely said to upset you, you are 1) giving the other persons battery pack a positive surge (satisfaction) and 2) you are draining your own positive energy.

Just like when you buy something that is battery operated, (*ahem*) the batteries are NOT included and you have to go out and get them yourself. Just like how you have to go out and search for your positive energy and your positive mindset.

But how do you come by positive thinking?

I'll start by telling you how you can't do it - you will NOT find that positive mindset if you just passively read the occasional inspiring quote or speak horribly of yourself.  Yes, I know you do that. (Not that I have anything against quotes, they are my life, but I actually inject the words from the quote into my day to day life).

But, this is HOW you will find your positive mindset...

You can start by learning my 6 golden rules:

1. Daily affirmations - speaking only highly of yourself in your own mind and also in public to others. For example, if you bagged your dream job swap the "I'm so surprised they actually gave me this job, I'm not what they normally would look for" into "I'm deserving of this opportunity, I worked damn hard to get where I am"

2. Focus on the good - look for the good in every situation. If it starts raining, even if you did do your hair that day, think about the plants that are getting nourishment from it. 

3. Turn failures into lessons - remember - you are further ahead in life for trying and failing than the person who has never tried.

4. Focus on the now - live in the moment. You will get whats coming to you, make sure you believe that and you will be able to live your life knowing you will get what you deserve.

5. Find humour in every bad situation - laugh at yourself, it's okay to not have everything figured out and laughing at yourself can be a truly positive thing.

6. Be around positive people - You become the people you spend the most time with. Do not disrespect yourself and your growth by engaging with negative behaviours or small-minded people who have nothing nice or positive to say towards you or towards others.

And practice these religiously, day in, day out. Make it your 6 commandments.

Start powering up and start loving yourself!

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