• Jodie May Williams

Strip Back

Updated: Jun 22

Hello, bored people, here, there and everywhere.


To begin with, when we were threatened with the words "isolation", "social distancing" and "lock-down" - I wasn't exactly angry about it.


I'm pretty good at removing myself from situations and minding my own business - despite a global pandemic going on outside my window.


Being probably the biggest introvert on the planet - I have used a lock-down as an excuse to avoid human beings, rather than the real problem at hand - corona-virus.


I was low key excited about taking some time out to recharge my batteries. A week into lock-down, I don't know why I ever convinced myself this would be bliss.


I've felt like pulling my hair out everyday of the week, and then I realised that a lot of people were feeling the same way as me. And with that I wanted to contribute something productive to the world, and teach you a few things I've learnt in life, and from being in isolation alone with my own thoughts


Self examination is the only path out of misery

Which is why I take it so seriously.


The only person that can save you from yourself - is yourself.


I learnt this when I was fifteen years old. When I was getting to grips with the person I was becoming, whilst being in conflict with the person I wanted to be. Taking in my parents divorce, the split up of my once nuclear family, moving house four times in the space of thirteen months.


I was so angry at the world, just for something to blame other than myself.


I would sneak out of my house through my bedroom window in the early hours of a school night. I would sit on roofs with my headphones and a notebook. I would sit for hours thinking, and writing.


I found my salvation in writing, it gave me a chance to express myself when I didn't feel like I had a voice, or listened to by the people around me.


I would think to myself: "Why me? Why must this be the life that I get to live?".


In context, when I saw families that were together, I grew jealous and angry and confused. Now, I realise that even those families that I once idolised, that had seemingly perfect lifestyles, also have skeletons in their closets.


After I realised a lot about that life is what you make it, I learnt to self medicate with positive affirmations, making conscious choices to be better and love hard, and to forgive myself for all the bad decisions I had made out of anger and frustration.


I went through a lot of things in my pre-teen and young adult life that nobody should have to experience, things that I probably will never write about on my blog, as the important part is that every little detail that ever occurred made me the woman that I am today.


Everything is learning, learning is everything

The people around you all have a story to tell.


I believe that is one of the main reasons why I've been caught up with people who I know are no good for me, because I just have this overwhelmingly strong curiosity to learn about people and figure them out, and listen to their stories - just as you are listening to parts of my story right now.


My biggest pitfall is romanticising other peoples stories, and going too far with that romanticism. If I'd learnt that about myself sooner, I could've prevented a lot of unnecessary encounters.


If you've learnt anything from the pandemic, it must be that you must always be ready to adapt to change.


I'm sure most of us have been in that "trying to stay alive" mentality recently, which isn't natural for the majority of us first world-ers - staying alive is super easy for us.


Now, the only places we are allowed to visit during this pandemic is the supermarket, or the hospital (if you fall ill). If that doesn't make you think about all the things you unknowingly took for granted, I don't know what will. Still, it's another lesson to be learnt.


Before we were placed on lock-down, I was incredibly anxious with still having to go to work and leaving my house, my "safe haven", knowing that I could catch a very dangerous virus. I was so anxious that I couldn't even recognise myself, let alone my behaviour, and my reaction was to display this anxiety through anger - as I had never experienced such high anxiety on the scale of an urgent kick-in of survival. I forgive myself for how I acted but I will be more prepared next time.


I used to want to be loved so deeply by another human being, it was taking over my life. But throughout my life, from learning through people I've gotten to know, and from people I'd never even engaged with before - I've come to the conclusion that some people, a small minority, just do not have the capacity to love.


This is something that makes me feel incredibly lucky, that I love everything and everyone in my life with such sheer emotion - I just love life itself.


However, it does make me feel sorry that some people will never experience that level of love of simply just being, because being able to feel every emotion so strongly, I believe to be some of life's finest moments, and I love that it verifies that I am alive, feeling all kinds of emotions, good or bad.


The Law of Attraction

You attract what you are.


If you are arrogant, you will attract an arrogant person, and so on.


I never believed in the law of attraction because I class myself as a very honest, selfless and loving person - and I always seem to attract the polar opposite. That's when I realised that being all of those things are great, but you also need to decipher between the truths and the frauds. This is when I realised I was so invested in being a good person that I totally forget to get smart. I realised that I fell for the other person saying all the right things that a girl wants to hear (and me, being stupid enough to believe it was true) and so forth.


I know the law of attraction is real now, because of the way I was acting before meeting individuals who are no longer in my life. The first time I knew this was the truth, was when I was acting a bit "out there"...(well, for me anyway) and I ended up with someone who fundamentally just stomped all over my boundaries like Lucas Nickle from "Ant Bully".


And if the first time wasn't enough to learn from (I like to make the same mistakes more than once just to be sure - apparently). I ended up with another person who probably just looked to me as a pastime, or for internal healing of their soul. I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to seeking to heal people, and giving in to it, when they're in need of some of my life in their lives (It's the best around! *Insert winking emoji here*)


I'm definitely not looking to change who I was most recently, though. I love the fact that I was kind and had my own best interests at heart, and I will continue to apply those morals, where applicable, in all aspects of my life.


Now it's important to note that in the law of attraction, you should not seek to change personality traits, but change how you can approach situations.


For example, in a throwback to one of my favourite blogs I've written - called "Let Yourself Go" - which I wrote in June 2019, I referred to a true story about a confrontation in public I had that involved me, a guy and a random girl, and how I decided to handle that situation on the spot - with one single word...


"Okay."


I removed myself from the situation immediately.


Everyone wants to leave, but nobody wants to see you do it

Everybody wants to get out of their home towns, and make it in life, but they don't want to see you do it.


Most people say they want you to do well, but when you succeed, they've got no words of praise or they just disappear. That‘s why you must learn to back yourself in every situation, no matter how uncomfortable.


I am not saying do not trust people, just be ready to catch yourself on the rare occasion people prove to be distrustful.


"Catching yourself" in my own words is standing by your morals.


For example, some of mine are:

  • Keep your promises

  • Treat others how you want to be treated

  • Be honest

  • Be loyal

  • Have humility


... to name a few. These morals will never be compromised no matter if questioned or challenged.


If you stick by your morals and stay true to yourself, where that truth is challenged by another persons behaviour towards you, then you've backed yourself all the way.


Indulging in your desires is not self love

Just because you liked that person doesn't mean they are worthy to take a human shaped space up in your life.


Just because you have a strawberry cheesecake in the fridge, doesn't mean you should eat it all in one sitting. (I can't believe I just called myself out like that)


Self love can be pretty uncomfortable some of the time. It means that we have to stare the worst and ugliest versions of ourselves in the face, when most of us prefer to live in a state of the blissfully unaware, meaning less work for us to do. I've spent 6 years of my life dedicated to self-love and blogging about it, and that's my way of glorifying something that really should not be pretty, but is a form of turning a negative into a positive.


Be nice to everyone, including yourself

Being nice to people is a win-win for everybody. You feel on top of the world, and so does the person on the receiving end of your good deed or kind words.


I've practised this my entire life, as this was how I was brought up, and now becomes one of my major life ethics.


Don't be confused in this because I am saying "be nice" NOT "be a doormat". If you do not like the way someone is acting towards you then speak up and call that person out, but do it with grace and dignity.


The Real Thing

All life's curve-balls you've been thrown so far, are just warm ups.


You have such a long stretch of life that has yet to be lived. Be grateful you are alive to experience these hardships, because some people don't even get that far to experience the ups and downs in life.


This is the thing that is keeping me going right now, that in this world-stopping pandemic, that is killing people and putting our normality on pause, I am still able to sit at my desk and hold a pen to write. I am able to hear my music through my headphones. I am able to taste my favourite foods and drinks.


I am able to breathe on my own.


I'm blessed, and if I'm ever not able to do any of those seemingly basic things, then I know that anything else I've ever been through in life has just been a dress rehearsal.


Now that life is entirely stripped back, I can see my life and the world in a different light and I'm still in love with it. What are you in love with, now that we have nothing?

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 © 2020 by Jodie May Williams for Blondepedia 

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