Six To Dip
I’m a girl that literally despises the “dating scene”. I’m about as useless as tits on a nun when it comes to dating, so I don’t like to embarass myself too often.
However, the people that I have dated in the past, have given me many grounds to assume that there are many types of people to dip on. Like, too many.
I thought I would put together 6 people that you should, never, ever date.
Unless, of course, you want to throw away all your amazing work to get to the peak level of self care and self love that we’ve journeyed through together. [Sarcasm].
The Person That Has Not Healed
A person that has not yet healed from their past is a big no-no.
It doesn’t take a genius to work out those who haven’t healed themselves. Some tell-tale signs, from my own experience, is people who are “cocky” - people who put on a show and then go home and aren’t the same person as they show others. People who are “emotionally unavailable” (we all know the type!).
This person features at the top of the list because they aren’t horrible people at all, they’re just not right for you.
That being said, I have huge amounts of respect for these people, those who are battling something in their mind, which effectively can be holding them back from being with people that they actually really like, or achieving things that they’ve always wanted to achieve.
I want to divide this person into two, though.
“Person 1” is a person that lays out their true intentions to you.
They will state that they are still hurting from a bad experience they once endured and they will not leave you questioning where you stand with them.
These are the people that are on the way to being at peace with themselves, and also acknowledges that you need this information to also acquire a level of peace with the situation too.
They will vocalize that they want to give you the best, (and they acknowledge that you deserve nothing but the best) and they’ll tell you that you will not be able to get this from them, because of the journey they still need to travel through themselves in order to be a better person. This is totally okay and you must respect this person.
“Person 2”, however, doesn’t want to, or is emotionally sparse, to take it upon themselves to change whatever it is that is holding them back from acquiring whatever it is that they want.
They will find loopholes in the blame, and will not deem it necessary to dedicate time to self growth.
I’m not saying everyone has to sit down and bang out a 2 hour meditation routine, have a little cry and read a self-improvement book every day. The easiest route to achieve self peace, if you feel you are a person that has not yet healed from a past bad experience, is to just simply acknowledge how you are feeling.
This is the first step. (More on this in my previous blogs if you need advice!)
Person number 2 doesn’t want to take that first step.
That’s the difference between “person 1” and “person 2”.
They will string you along, they will not give you information on where you stand with them, because they do not respect themselves, and they project that disrespect on you, too.
But the most unfortunate thing for you, if you are on the receiving end of this, is that they know how good you are, and they know that you can easily go off and find someone else that can give you something that they can’t and therefore they do not want you to have that for yourself.
They are selfish.
Remember when Katy Perry said “you don’t really want to stay, but you don’t really want to go?” This song was probably written about person number 2.
The best thing to do is give them the middle finger and go get that person that will love you for everything you are.
Let’s highlight the main point here, that a person that respects you, and sees potential in you as a partner, will never leave you feeling like you’re in a never ending spiral of maybe’s.
Which brings me to type number two to avoid:
The “Maybe, baby”.
A person that is not clear with their feelings.
There is no such thing as “let’s just go with the flow”. Let me tell you that for a start.
Can I just emphasise something here without sounding very, very corny?
YOU are the SHIT.
You literally are.
No, it is NOT narcissistic to love yourself.
Can we please put this entire stigma in the bin.
Loving yourself, is not being “up yourself”.
You are the centre of YOUR world.
You deserve love, and you deserve a whole heap of respect.
And didn’t you know, how you perceive yourself, is how others perceive you?!
Remember how we discussed before that a person that doesn’t respect themselves will never respect you? It’s a fact.
I can say that I’ve fallen victim to “going with the flow”.
At first, I was just like, “I’m cool with just being chilled, I don’t want to seem psycho” (as the word is so over used, and has become so toxic especially used in relation to talking about females)
We need to stop saying this, because raising someone’s awareness about how their behaviour towards you is not being a “psycho”.
It is your human right.
Being a psycho would be a case of setting your exes house on fire or some dumb shit like that.
NOT expressing your values and opinions.
In the end, it was a case of staying in a “situationship” with someone I really liked, or liking my own self peace more to walk away from a person that wasn’t improving my quality of life or was sticking in a comfort zone and wasn’t embarking on the same journey that I was on.
As I always advise my friends, a person that does nothing but make you feel doubtful, insecure or just simply unhappy, is not worth the compromise of your self peace.
You and I both know how hard it is to achieve self peace.
Always take your own stand and do not be afraid to step back if this person cannot offer you what you want.
I’m glad I was able to experience that though, as it has taught me a greater level of self love, and self preservation.
The Talker, not the Walker
A person who can “talk the talk” but cannot “walk the walk”.
They say all the right things in order to win you over, and it works - for a while.
They are literally the biggest frauds but, to make matters worse, they are sickeningly good at it.
Again, another person I have fallen victim to, these are normally the people that I haven’t ended up deeply liking, mainly because I require consistency and transparency from a partner.
I’m pretty quick to suss people out if they are not being honest with me, and it seldom goes down well.
They are often the good looking ones too.
The types of people who you lust over, rather than fall for.
You see a person that has the full package - good looking, great personality, a sense of humour, caring, generous and so forth. They can portray that persona, but they don’t have any actions to back up - or they do, but only for a short while before the cracks eventually start to show.
After a while you’d start to “miss who they were in the beginning”...sounds familiar right?
The Person Who Acts Like “It’s My World, You All Just Live Here”
A person that is self-centred.
People who only long to talk about themselves and their problems, but is not actually interested in listening or getting to know you at all.
Why would you want to date someone who wants to speak to you but only if all the attention is on them?
You’re not a counsellor for their problems, you’re a human being that (yes, I’m about to say it again) - that deserves respect, time investment, and love.
I’m not saying don’t be there for anybody who comes to you with a problem, just remember that even so, a problem shared in a problem halved.
But if it is coming to the point that consoling them is literally your new un-paid full-time position, then show yourself out.
A person that is always complaining and always shifts the blame onto others every time a problem happens to them.
It shows how they behave with others. Think about how they’ll behave towards you?
They feel powerful while making someone else agree on their opinions. They get angry when you don’t agree. I’m the kind of person to speak out when I don’t agree, which is why this kind of person and me do not mesh at all. They have the smallest minds, and truly believe that there is nothing more to life than being right.
You may even end up losing your own values with them. I have had this happen to me many times, where I have confused my morals and values under the influence of someone else’s negativity in the relationship and it gets to a point where you don’t even recognise yourself. For example, the things you’re saying about others, or your behaviour changes and having experienced that many times I made the active decision to be very, very careful about who I allow into my life now.
A person who’s intention is not to marry you.
I know it seems a little extreme, but it’s true.
I am aware that many people have many different opinions on marriage, and this point really is dependent on your own personal view. I always dreamed of a wedding up until recently, as I am being more invested in myself and achieving my goals day by day and I just don’t see what marriage would do for me, because I’ve got millions of other things I want to do with my life first.
It kinda makes me want to be sick even writing about it now. Maybe I should see a doctor.
But still to me, what is the point of being in a relationship if the goal is not to build a life with that person. Maybe I am just old school.
Anything other than this is just temporary pleasure, which of course, is nice for as long as it lasts, but I personally would rather be building a healthy relationship with someone who wants to support my goals and dreams and vice versa.
The whole point of dating is to find someone you want to spend a lot of time with, right? Or else we would not go to so much trouble of taking people on fancy dates, buying a new outfit, getting your hair and nails done, trying to impress them, learning conversation pointers (yes, I told you I was crap at dating and I wasn’t joking) just to end up alone again?
Basically, it’s better to be single than to be temporarily happy. I know happiness comes like waves, but why would you knowingly stay with someone who doesn’t see forever in you?