I wish I knew this before...
I always preach about living life with no regrets, because at the end of the day whatever you've done in the past it was fun or right at the time - so why the hell not?! On the other hand, there are so many things that I wish I knew earlier - things that I realise now.
Obviously, I am not Marty McFly and I cannot travel back in time but...
These are a few things I wish I realised earlier...
People on social media are fake!
I know this is said so much, but I will openly put my hands up and admit I've felt that low about the way I look, that I've genuinely cried over a picture of a girl on Instagram. That's how toxic social media can be, and anybody that knows me know that I never get like that with anything or anybody, so for me to do that was super extreme but it's how I honestly felt at the time.
Since then, I have made it a mission to stop comparing myself to people online, because at the end of the day - its common knowledge that Instagram models edit their pics like there is no tomorrow.
So in theory, you are comparing yourself to something that doesn't even exist, and that leaves you setting an unrealistic expectation for yourself which is super toxic. I try to use social media in short bursts, I don't sit on my phone as much as I used to, because I dwell on things too much but I've managed to stop doing that for the greater good!
Condition your hair first
I've done this since I was about 16, but it literally is the best beauty tip I have, because shampooing first strips your hair of its natural oils and will damage your hair and dry it out. Condition first to keep in those natural oils and shampoo after. My hair is quite fine and thick so I normally condition my hair again for a second time after I've shampooed, just for extra softness and moisture!
Meeting new people is a confidence boost!
I spent 100% of my school life with severe anxiety. I was SO shy and I clung to my friends like super glue. I wish I would've branched out rather than letting my anxiety get the better of me and just sticking to the same group of people. But now I've made so many new friends and I'm a lot happier for it! And it really does boost your confidence!
Don't be embarrassed to be yourself
No two people on this earth are the same - that's what makes life so beautiful! Don't spend life wishing you were someone else - because nobody is ever you - and nobody has what you have to offer.
It doesn't matter how much you look after your appearance, if you don't look after your inside too, you won't be happy
I fell into this trap for so long - it doesn't matter how many face masks you do or how much make up you wear, if you don't acknowledge the bad things going on inside your head you will never progress in life and you'll never upgrade your mindset.
Practising self care from the inside is the most difficult part of the self-care umbrella, but it is by far the MOST important element.
Talking nicely to yourself is the first stepping stone. I always say to myself, "if you wouldn't talk to your friends or family that way- then don't talk to yourself like it".
I will most likely do a blog on this in finer detail in the upcoming weeks - as I feel it is a topic that not many people understand. It's a bit of a taboo - to love yourself in the fear that somebody thinks you're big headed or vain - but there is absolutely nothing wrong with that if you're not hurting anybody in the process of loving yourself.
You can dress sexy and STILL be smart and intelligent
I mention this because of a certain comment that was made to me recently that kinda did egg me off. If you're on this blog post because you know me, or you've clicked on my Instagram bio and wound up here - then you know that I seem quite superficial from pictures I put up... I mean my entire Instagram are just pictures of me, super pose-y and just all round vain (as EVERYONE is on Instagram, so don't blame me).
The reason I mention this is because I know the way people portray me and other girls of similarity, I'm blonde - a bit ditsy, like dressing up and doing all the normal girly girl things.
I said something to one of my mates and everyone laughed and said "Shouldn't you just go back to worrying about when you're next going to do a fake tan?" I actually took offence to it because I'm an intelligent person, just because I make an effort with myself doesn't mean I can't have brain cells too?
And a big F**k you, to people who are all up in the gossip about Kim Kardashian becoming a lawyer - and saying she wouldn't do a good job, and the obvious connotation is that she'll be crap because she looks after her appearance or she "doesn't look like the typical lawyer", if it was a person who was "plain" looking (you know the type.) she would be more suited to the role? Is that what you are insinuating?
So yes, you can dress however the f**k you want and STILL be intelligent. Hell, look at Elle Woods. and Kim K.
Set boundaries with people - and f**king stick to them
This is honestly my biggest regret. I was brought up in an incredibly well mannered family, so for me, people respecting my boundaries and me respecting theirs was a massive thing.
However, there have been times in the past where I have let people over step my boundaries and I let them get away with it. That life feels so far away from me now that it could be a totally different life, and it wasn't really that long ago that I was letting people use me as a door mat. I can't imagine how I'd be if it happened now.
It is okay to say no!
I used to hate saying no to people, in fear of making them upset - or letting them down. My toxic trait is that I try too hard to keep everyone happy even if it is at the expense of my own sanity. I wish I knew earlier in my life that it's fine to say no to people if it goes against things you believe in, your morals or even your upbringing. If it concerns you and your input, then you get to decide if its a yes or a no. And if it happens to be a no, don't beat yourself up about it and make sure you realise that looking after yourself should be your number one priority, always.
Compliment people every time it springs to your mind
How good does it feel when you get a compliment from a person you don't know so well or a total stranger? (I mean, bar creepy old men, am I right girls)
How good does it feel to know that you can also give that buzz to someone else, and it can totally make their entire day! Start complimenting people every day - it will make the other person feel good and you will too!
Please make sure they are genuine compliments though, as it can be obvious when a compliment isn't genuine. Try and live the most authentic life you possibly can, remember!
Cry. It is not a form of weakness.
When I say cry, I mean let your emotions out. Crying is actually a stress reliever and it doesn't make you a weak person for doing it - it makes you stronger, scientifically.
Sometimes you have to cry in order to move on in life and then when you're done, you can go back to the absolutely amazing human that you've always been, right after!
Laugh whenever you can. Even in bad situations...(except funerals)
I laugh at absolutely everything - some may say it is because my sense of humour is incredibly poor, some say it is because I'm just a happy person, whatever your reason is for laughing - make sure you do it wherever possible... (and appropriate, don't be like me that when you attend a family members funeral you sit there and laugh into a tissue for the majority of the service)
Try to see the good in everybody but don't be taken for a mug!
Everything will always revert back to those boundaries you set for yourself and that apply to the relationships and friendships you have with other human beings. I have a tendency to always believe someone is a good person, even if they have given me every reason under the sun that they are the total opposite.
I think if you are a good person, you believe everyone else is like you too - and that's why when someone turns out to show their true colours, it shocks you a lot more. But don't set yourself up to be taken for a mug - because that's not what self care is all about and you have to be willing to let go of the things that aren't meant for you or are making you unhappy.
Don't put your back out for people who wouldn't even answer your call when you needed them.
Emphasis on this point!!! I am probably notorious for doing THE ABSOLUTE MOST for people who wouldn't even offer me a lift if I desperately needed it, or even a simple phone call. Please, learn from my mistakes and realise when your friends or family aren't giving a 50/50 contribution.
I will most likely to be doing a self-love talk on my blog sometime this week or the next week coming, as it's a topic I am learning and plodding through myself - so I want to share it with you guys so you can learn with me.