I called you out on your insecurities, didn't I?
Many people in life are very conceited, from my own personal experiences. I've been close with many insecure people, and as I continue my journey through life and walk alongside all different kinds of people, I am recognising the signs of insecurities. I often find myself studying people, not for a degree, or qualification - just because I find all different types of people truly fascinating, and I use the things I learn from other people from all different walks of life to assist me in my day-to-day life.
It is not their fault, however, that they are insecure. Insecurities can stem from many different root causes; a challenging upbringing perhaps, or being treated badly by another human being.However, whilst their insecurities may not be their fault - it is always the individuals fault how they act, so while I am incredibly empathetic to those non-deserving of these insecurities, I have no sympathy for those who are cruel to, or bully others because they are insecure themselves and fail to realise that they are insecure.
It is OK to be insecure, and kudos to the people who can actually identify their insecurities, because once you have identified them - you are on your way to curing them and becoming even more of an incredible person.
I believe there are 3 types of insecurities:
(1) Insecurities in your appearance
I feel like this is probably the most relate-able insecurity that many of us will have, or have endured at some point during our life time.
You constantly wish you looked like somebody else, or wish you had something somebody else has got. This is a troubling insecurity that, again, I am quite sure that many of us will have suffered with. Especially living within the digital era, with Instagram models knocking people's confidence all around the world, it is harder than ever to love yourself for the way that you look.
How can I stop wishing to conform to the media's view of beauty?
Step 1: Understand that no two people look the same.
So f**king what that girl from your hometown has the glossiest hair you've ever seen...she hasn't got your amazing blue eyes though, has she? In your own mind, always bring the focus back on yourself!
Step 2: Limit social media screening.
Have some self-discipline and take an hour off each day. This will reduce your anxiety, trust me on this one. Stop taking your phone everywhere you go as well, even the shower. You won't believe how relieved you'll feel.
Step 3: Define yourself by what you can offer from the inside, out.
You are more than a f**king picture on Instagram. You are more than the likes you receive, the followers you have and more than what others comment. When I start to feel bad about the way I look, I speak with my Dad - and he reminds me of the way I was brought up - to be kind, caring and loving. And THAT is exactly what I have to offer, other than a shallow insight into my appearance, that really tells absolutely NOTHING of who I am or the things I stand for.
You may think that people are better than you. You believe this to be true, because you may just be reactive to the way other people treat you - and think this is the way you deserve to be treated. False.
If you are treated by another individual in a way where you are frowned upon, mocked, or disregarded - then, honey, the problem does not lie within you - it lies within them.
Insecure people often have to put themselves up on a pedestal, in a very arrogant way, so that they prove to others that they cannot be "touched" - which, in reality, displays a great lack in self confidence and self-trust. This is a defence mechanism :- if this person puts themselves "out of reach" i.e. they pretend they are too good for something or someone, they may not think someone is worthy of speaking to them etc, they feel that they cannot get hurt, and this is the true form of human weakness.
This is where I want you to recognise the significant differences between people who are genuinely in love with themselves, whom practice self care and self love, and those that display the diseased "fake self love".
Symptoms of fake self love
Dishonesty with themselves and others. (pretty big liars!)
Using coping / defence mechanisms to handle their insecurities.
Exhibiting arrogance NOT confidence.
Comments such as "I'm so good looking / pretty, aren't I?"
Note: Notice the above comment. The first part is an affirmation "I'm so good looking" - but wait, most would say..."well Jodie, you preach about being self-affirmative more than a priest preaches about the holy scriptures, aren't you contradicting yourself?!".
No, I am not contradicting myself because I recognise the difference between self-confidence and being arrogant. Because guess what? Saying "...aren't I?" or "...don't you think?" right after complimenting yourself IS NOT an affirmation! If you have to follow up an affirmation with a question, you are basing your self-worth on someone else's opinion! Fake self love.
How can I detect the differences between arrogance and confidence in myself and other people I interact with?
Arrogant people display a condescending persona. They will put themselves above people, think they are better than, and belittle others. They LOVE to talk about themselves, do not listen to others however when they rarely do listen - they can manipulate the conversation to project the spotlight back on themselves. They have a stinking attitude that reeks of insecurity - but still, they are too conceited and not mindful enough to admit it to themselves.
Arrogance is normally a symptom of a defence mechanism, and people who are like this are often too lazy to take a long, hard look at themselves and change the way they treat themselves and others.
Confident people, however, are comfortable with themselves, and it shows, because they don't need to shout it from the rooftops like arrogant people do. Confident people are happy in their own skin, accept themselves and do not feel the need to tell anybody about it.
We should also try to recognise that arrogance and confidence have origins, every emotion has a cause, and an action. This means that there may be underlying connotations that makes a person act with arrogance or confidence.
(2) Insecurity in your abilities
Not knowing where life will lead you can often be incredibly daunting - so daunting to the point where some of us will always let our insecurities about the future lead our way through life.
You are scared to try new things or scared to do things you love in fear of what people will say or think of you.
"She's trying too hard!"
"She's doing it all wrong!"
"Who does she think she is?"
I used to be absolutely petrified of posting my blogs anywhere on my socials, as I always try to be so raw and open in my blogs as I believe that this is what creates the best content, so exposing this to people was very scary for me. I had been told by people (who were actually some of those closest to me, the people who were actually supposed to love me and have my best interests at heart) that blogging was a waste of my time. Now I don't care, I know that I do this entirely for myself and no other benefit, and I know that I project tons of planning, time and effort into my blog and I am proud of it.
No matter what people say, it is important to create a filter within your mind, that takes in all the positive, constructive feedback and filters out all the negative, pointless comments that are of no use to you and your growth journey.
(3) Insecurity in your mentality
This final section is aimed at the people who cannot self identify their own insecurities, which is why I do these blogs - to help self-awareness become a more natural thing for us - and I am not afraid to call people out! (Sorry!)
You mock others (perhaps unknowingly) for the same things you are insecure about (symptom of low self esteem). I hate to get too serious but this is when an insecurity has been SO neglected and ignored that it becomes a projection of spite on another person - a term we all call "bullying".
Bullying is dangerous. It is where insecurities are formed, it is also where insecurities are deposited. I know that it is inevitable that we are all insecure about something. I used to be incredibly insecure about my big, bushy eyebrows (that were 100% natural as of 2013) as a nasty girl at my old school always taunted me with how horrendous I looked and that I looked like I had slugs on my face, this made me so insecure that one day I ran home balling my eyes out, and shaved them off!
That still lives with me today, and I hated myself for years for being so reactive to someone else's opinion, and as many girls will know, once you shave your brows they seldom grow back to the same level of bushiness they once held - but did I EVER take out my insecurity about that on somebody else?
Did I f**k!
I said nothing. I did nothing.
I knew that I had to stop the flow of the insecurity, stop the flow of the negativity, because whatever you put out in this world is gonna come back and bite you on the arse! The girl who made me feel this way about myself projected her self-hate onto me, but I was too strong to let it go any further. I was stronger than that and I was stronger than her hatred.
And that's what you all must do. Do not let other people's insecurities f**k you over. If you want to video yourself when you are looking FIRE every motherf**king weekend then you bloody well do that, if that's what makes you feel good. If you want to post a picture of yourself in a bikini, or your underwear, f**k it, (be safe doing so!) , do whatever the hell you want!
And girls, stop f**king competing with each other. We are sisters, not rivals. Stop f**king slagging each other off in order to make yourselves look better. We are all women, and we all are going through life, each one of us not knowing what the f**k we are doing. So stop pretending you have your life all figured out, you definitely do not, stop looking down on people, get your head out your arse and laugh because none of us know where this journey of life will take us. Stop spreading hate, stop being jealous of other girls because you think they are prettier than you, or they have a nicer car than you and so forth. Girls lift up girls. Somebody has to break the loop - please let that person be you.