Forget them, focus on you!
Updated: Jun 22, 2020
This is my idiot guide to forgetting about people’s thoughts and opinions, and learning how to start focusing on you!
The first step to not giving a f**k is:
Stay true to yourself
To highlight, this is the most important step in this guide.
You will not carry through on the following steps if you do not master this one first.
If you haven’t already, figure out who you are.
Figure out what you like.
Figure out what you don’t like.
Think about what you like in a friend.
Ask yourself if you have any of those qualities.
If you don’t, ask yourself: why?
Think about what makes you angry, or upset.
Think about if you know any of those people who bring those emotions out of you.
How do you act towards others?
Think about yourself and who you are as an individual.
What physical thing do you like about yourself?
What don’t you like?
If you don’t like it, can you change it? If not, stop worrying.
If you’ve got yourself figured out, then you KNOW who you are. People’s thoughts or opinions on that, CANNOT change any of it.
To illustrate, when I first started blogging, I was so nervous to write about my life, and make it public - in the fear that people from my narrow-minded home town would “judge” me, as many of them have too much to say for themselves, which is odd for people who haven’t done a lot to progress themselves in life, and in reality spend every weekend in the same pub, with the same people, probably wearing the same GUESS t-shirt as the weekend before.
I was so nervous because I cared about what people would think and say but now I know how much energy I’ve wasted by giving a s**t.
I would let people’s comments eat me up inside.
There was a time in primary school I was bullied relentlessly for my bushy eyebrows, that when even the word “eyebrow” was mentioned I used to cringe and look down, in the hope nobody would say anything about mine. I cut a fringe to hide them. I was scared of people’s words.
When I started blogging, I was convinced people would laugh at me, talk about me. That they would think I wasn’t good at writing, thinking I was rambling. But I really don’t care what people say about me, and you shouldn’t either.
It’s YOUR life, you’re behind the driving wheel, steer it in the right direction.
I’ve had people critique my blog, just simple things like, “put pictures on it, it’ll make it more readable”. *Yawn emoji*
The reason why I don’t do that is because it’s a blog.
Yes, pictures are lovely to look at, but I’m a blogger, not a photographer.
I want to accentuate the writing, completely bring out my writing, not make it look all pretty and commercial.
I am never going to be that person or that “blogger” that writes for views or likes or shares.
I blog for me.
If you happen to stumble over my blogs every now and then, I thank you for reading them - really, I do.
My blogs are about my life experiences, and most of them are not pretty.
The reason I share them is because I’m trying to throw a hand out to someone who thinks they’re alone in what they’re going through.
If I had a blog like mine to read when I was going through everything I have done in life, I would’ve felt a lot better. The single and only reason I’d be happy to get lots of views is because I know it is reaching people that need help and to feel togetherness.
That’s why I do it.
It would make the younger version of me incredibly happy, and I know I would‘ve felt a little safer.
There wouldn’t be an image to associate with that.
I’m also not a fan of doing sponsorships or product reviews or whatever other commercial s**t other bloggers do.
(I don’t really educate myself on “how to write a successful blog”, I just get typing and that’s my blog post for the day).
I believe the main thing in my life is to stay authentic.
And I will literally apply that to everything I do.
If I see you looking sweet on Instagram, I’m going to drop you a message and tell you I like your shirt.
If you acted shitty towards me, I’ll definitely call you out on it, (with grace, of course, I’m not an animal).
If I don’t believe someone is being treated fairly, regardless of my own personal opinions on that person, I’ll defend them.
That’s my one constant in life.
Keep it real.
If people don’t like it, or can’t handle it, that’s one less problem for you and I.
** I just want to add to the above, as I speak to my Dad about this certain kind of person all the time. That person who says “Oh my God, I’m so honest and people just can’t handle it! Not my fault I’m a bitch!”
I just wanted to clarify that never once have I said something nasty to someone and blamed it on “honesty”.
That’s not being honest.
Being honest, for me, is standing up for what you believe in, being true to yourself and what you know about yourself, and acting with integrity.
That’s what I’m talking about.
Stop valuing opinions of randoms
Why would you value the opinion of someone who doesn’t know you, or doesn’t have any kind of insight to who you are or what you’ve been through?
Trust a few opinions, those of family members perhaps, but people you’ve never met or acquaintances? Ignore.
Who actually cares?
It’s your life.
You’re the only person living it.
If someone wants to talk about you, let them, it’s a form of free marketing.
Let them be bitter.
What did you ever do to them? Exactly.
Your conscience is clear, my darling.
Get rid of people who make you feel like you need to water yourself down to fit in with their mindsets
Get rid of them now. The bin is waiting.
People who make you feel anxious to do, or not do something - people who make you feel like you need to hold back emotions, opinions, or thoughts - detach yourself.
You do not need people like that in your life, even if they’re the last person you have left.
Focus on yourself, and what you want to do and what you want to achieve in life.
Yes, it’s so much harder to do that when no one is clapping for you.
But still, someone who is fake clapping, is far worse than having nobody clapping, believe me.
But I really hope - if not now, one day, you’ll learn to walk away from anything in life that does not make you feel good about yourself, drags you down or ridicules you. I really hope from the bottom of my heart you find that strength in your heart and mind.
But this is another thing I learnt in counselling and does take some serious, disciplined “brain training”.
Still, invest the time and it really pays off!
STOP stopping yourself from doing things because you’re worried about what people will think, or what people will say about you to other people
Understand that people will always talk.
People who talk aren’t doing anything amazing themselves.
Laugh at them.
Make something of yourself and watch them from the top.
Also, another thing to note, just because someone SEEMS like they’re doing well for themselves, doesn’t mean they actually are.
We all know platforms, like social media can be oh-so-deceiving.
Forget them, focus on you.
Don’t ever let the opinion of someone else stand as an obstacle in achieving your dreams and living the life you want to live.
Even if you’re scared to move away to your dream house up north because it’ll upset your parents.
Even if you have to say no to your friends and face backlash.
Do you really want to look back on your life when you’re 80 and think:
“I didn’t do that because I was scared what people would say about me”?
Sounds pathetic, right? And you’d be embarrassed to say that out loud, wouldn’t you?
Would you want your grandchildren to remember you this way?
I definitely wouldn’t.
I want my grandchildren to be able to brag about me to their school friends.
“Grandma did so much in her life!”
“Grandma was unstoppable!”
“Grandma is my role model.”
Think about that. Make your future grand children look up to you.
Step up, it’s your time, don’t let people stop you succeeding.
Remember, if someone “bitches” about you to another person, this says more about them, than it does about you.
Keep reminding yourself of that until it’s embedded in your mind.
Nobody knows you better than you know yourself.
Just because someone has their opinion of you, doesn’t mean it is factual.
Someone else’s opinion, isn’t your reality.
Don’t let people pressure you into bitching about other people, either.
Yes, I’ve come across many people who do this, and it can make a civil conversation super awkward, super quickly.
Don’t get involved and again, focus on doing you.
Some people will hate you for no reason, so stop trying to change their minds and get on with your own life
One last thing to accept, is that some people just won’t like you - for literally no reason.
It’s not YOUR JOB to figure that s**t out.
It’s not your life’s quest to find the antidote for dislike.
There is nothing you can do, nothing you can say, no classes to take or speeches to make, to change that.
Invest your energy into something that MATTERS instead of fretting about the opinions of others.
I spent my entire life as a notorious people pleaser.
I would carry out endless acts of kindness for people, to get nothing in return or even a thank-you, and on the off chance I didn’t do something for them on a very rare occasion, it would mean that I was the bad person. (You know the kinds of people I mean).
It’s always more noticeable when someone who is doing good deeds all the time, suddenly stops doing them.
It’s not so noticeable when someone who has not returned a good deed if they have never served one before.
So, in summary:
I mean this from the bottom of my heart, F**K what people think!
Live by this:
Do no harm, but take no shit.
Act with integrity.
Don’t be nasty.
Kill people with “blindness”.
You will go far, I promise. The minute you realise you’ve got your own back, will be the beginning of something so very beautiful and successful.
You got this.